Winter is approaching which means snow, tense muscles, more time in the house, little or no gym time, less time with nature. It means that I’ll be required to go to work when it snows because I work in a grocery store, the one place that must stay open when it snows. I’ll be taking more classes for school, so I’ll be busier than I am now, and that means less time with my boyfriend. I do not want any of this.
On the bright side winter means cute winter fashion: gloves, scarves, hats, boots, sweaters, sweater dresses. It means that I won’t feel obligated to go out. Cozy nights watching movies with my boyfriend, cozy days when it snows so much even the grocery store doesn’t open, hanging out with my roommates, making snowmen, or as in the case a couple of years ago, a snow woman, complete with a bikini top, hat, and purse.
The funny thing is, I spend a lot of time dreading this snow, but when it snows, it snows maybe for a few days each time, and maybe twice each in the winter. But the first winter I lived here it snowed multiple times, and three of those times were historical events, aptly labeled Snowpocalypse, Snowmaggedon, and I forget the name of the other one – they ran out of names – and that was so traumatic for me that I freak out prior to each winter, and up to now, each time I have threatened to move back South before winter comes again. The year after that I became trapped in my car for seven hours after my windshield wiper broke, where my car sat on the side of the beltway, narrowly missing oncoming vehicles, where once I ventured out to urinate behind a bush, before I found a nearby hotel to wait in the lobby with nothing to do but watch other people drink while I was newly sober at the time. Last year I stayed at work until it was almost too late to leave, and no one ever plowed the grocery store parking lot or any of the roads, so that I drove in one-foot-deep snow, luckily for only a few blocks, to a nearby friend’s house. Now I make sure I have good tires, good wipers, and an emergency kit in my car.
I wish I wasn’t so resistant to going back to my old job, where I made enough money to live comfortably, where I could pay for at least part of school. But I like my job now, and I’ve made my decision. I just want my life to be easy, and that’s not realistic. My perspective is what needs to change. This isn’t all so bad. I’ve started to think about what I can buy others for Christmas, and that’s a positive. I have warm clothes and a warm place to live. My tires are good. My job isn’t that stressful. I get to learn interesting things. And this is all temporary.