My sister suggested that when one is skeptical, it releases negative energy that the mind or soul becomes impermeable to signs one gets from deceased loved ones. She also said that the pendulum could swing too far the other way, that some see signs in everything, when not everything is necessarily a sign. So I’ll keep an open mind and heart and I plan to see a medium in November with my hairdresser who’s seen her several times already. I also picked up a book by James Van Praagh, a medium.
What strikes me is how all the accounts of near-death experiences and communication with the deceased are similar. How can everyone be wrong?
Also, how uncanny is it that I’ve seen so many feathers since Mom’s passing, yet never saw feathers before? How is it that I heard so many owls in the days after her passing, but rarely before or since, in spite of the fact that I’ve gone outside early morning and late at night? How is it that I’ve seen so many butterflies, yet rarely saw butterflies before? Maybe they were there and I wasn’t paying attention, and if so, that’s why it’s important to pay attention.
The minister at my new church prays to keep our hearts and eyes open, and the lines in one of the songs was, “You were there but I could not hear you,” or something along those lines, about how God is all around us, all the time, but we are not always aware. I like to think Mom’s spirit is too, and Van Praagh writes in his book Healing Grief, to think of and talk to our deceased loved ones because they are here and they hear our thoughts, feelings, and words.
One of my friends, a woman about Mom’s age, suggested that so many people she knows have started dying since last year, and I noted the same thing, and she wondered aloud if they were perhaps leaving for a reason, before some major disaster happens. I have to wonder that too. Maybe this foreboding sense of an impending apocalypse is just cultural, or maybe there’s more to it. I suppose whatever the case, it doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things, though it’s interesting to ponder. When your mom just died, it really does feel like the end of the world.
And it is the end, in a sense. It’s the end of one stage of life and the beginning of another. Right now I feel like I’m in the middle of a forest with no clear-cut path. I have faith that it will become clear to me as time passes, with my mother’s spirit to guide me.
I don’t know why, but this is the song that popped into my head just now. It kind of reminds me of my mom, though my dad’s the one who played Simon and Garfunkel’s music so much when my sisters and I were growing up.