Rambling

Some things are not important to me anymore, mostly in the personal hygiene category:  frequent showers, pedicures, un-dyed-roots-showing hair, shaven legs. Other fashion faux pas also contain less importance:  whether my shoes match my outfit, whether my purse matches my shoes, jewelry (how much, does it match, etc.), make-up (wrinkle cream, undereye cover, eye shadow… does anyone really need all that?). All this extra stuff takes too much effort. Who cares? I wear the scar on my chin from my bike wreck like a medal of honor.

The real reason isn’t so much that I don’t care, though I don’t really, but the extra effort required sucks time away from my favorite activities:  doing nothing, writing, reading, meditating, or sitting outside in nature. Other sources of frustration include:  cooking, working, and getting ready for anything—especially bed. Why does a person have to get ready for sleep? Why not just fall asleep? Teeth must be brushed (and preferably flossed) and the face must be washed, at a minimum.

When I say these things aren’t as important to me anymore, it doesn’t mean I’ve stopped doing them. I just mean that I skip a shower here and there, and I no longer freak out after eating a Fresh Market wrap in spite of the fact that it contains a bunch of unpronounceable ingredients. It just means I feel irritable when I think of the work I have to do in order to eat a meal. Even a trip to the deli to buy a ready-made meal (I mean, how easy can you get?) feels unbearable. Not because driving to the grocery store is such hard work, but because everything feels like a lot of work. I don’t remember feeling like this before Mom died, so I’m sure it’s just because I’m grieving her loss.

What is the point of this blog post? I guess what I’m trying to say is that you do the things that are necessary. Showering can be helpful. Going to work allows me to pay the bills. But the world won’t end if I don’t wear make-up today.

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