This Is My Plan


This is what showed up on my Pinterest feed this morning. It’s a Hallmark card, designed to heighten the sense of failure that people who are stuck feel, as far as I can tell. My interpretation is this: You have no plans? You’re a big loser, you’re just a dreamer, you’ll never get anything accomplished in life. It sounds like something a (well-meaning, but misguided) parent would tell their teenage kid in order to try to motivate them to do something with their lives. Well, I guess I have a lot of wishes. Because, guess what? I ain’t got no plans! Hahahaha! Eff you, Hallmark. The cards at my store are more inspirational cards, such as this one from Borealis:


Speaking of work, it stresses me out lately for no good reason. A man was mean to me a couple of days ago, and I had to go to the back room and cry. For an hour after that I wanted to cry—and to be honest, my boss would’ve probably allowed me to do that—but I felt that I had to hold it together. The customer had to repeat himself three times before I could understand him, and that pissed him off. “I don’t speak English,” he hissed at me, and slammed his fist down on the counter as he stormed off. I felt like a child. I wanted to cry after him, “But I’m one of the good ones! I’m on your side,” that I think Spanish should be mandatory in elementary school classrooms, etc., and it wasn’t even that I couldn’t understand his English as the fact that I could not hear him… though I doubt that he cares or would believe any of that anyway. It hurts even more when I feel like I’m kind to everyone who walks in the door. Some people are just rude, and it doesn’t matter who you are or what you do or say, and ultimately it’s their problem, not mine. It helps to remember that rude people act that way because they’re miserable, which is sad for them. It’s not that I celebrate their sadness or misery, but understanding that it’s not my problem helps.

I think Wayne Dyer would say to focus on doing what you enjoy and not to worry about the outcome. Whatever is meant to happen will happen in due time. The important thing is to enjoy what you do. When I’m at work I can focus on practicing love, compassion, kindness, and tolerance of people, regardless of their actions or words. It doesn’t mean I have to let someone walk all over me, but I can be patient with that person and recognize that whatever they do is a reflection of them, not me. When I’m not at work and I just want to write, then enjoy that to the fullest. Maybe I’ll never be a Shakespeare. Maybe I’ll continue to be a blogger with three readers on any given day—but does it matter? If one of my posts made one person smile, laugh, or even cry or feel inspired in some way, then it would have made a difference. Besides, sometimes the thing we think we want is not what we want at all.


I think if I could find a tiny house in the valley of the mountains and write in this blog every day while drinking my morning coffee outdoors and watching birds and the sun rise, I would be so happy. I suppose a house in the suburbs of Washington, D.C. will do for now instead. Because this girl right here ain’t got no plans. These are my plans. This is my plan, this life right here, this space here, this moment. This is it.



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