For those who are going through break-ups right now, Valentine’s Day can be a sad reminder of the love we’ve lost. But instead of focusing on what we don’t have, use this time to grow stronger and move on with your life. Love yourself and work on how to get over him–or her, or whatever your gender identities are… I don’t mean to exclude anyone but am focusing on Woman Power here for my sisters out there who’ve felt put down by the men in their lives. Not that I don’t think others have felt the same way, but this is for those women who’ve felt afraid to speak their minds, express their feelings, be themselves. It’s for those who’ve felt like they needed the relationship because it was their world, and now that world has crumbled. Now it’s time to start over and focus on you. You don’t need this relationship. You’re waking up to the fact that it’s the last thing you need.
I came up with a list of things that have helped me during this break-up period with my ex in the hopes that it would be helpful to someone else. Feel free to add your own comments for what has been helpful to you. I’d love to hear what has helped you.
- Remove all traces of him from your life. Delete all photos, texts, emails, voice mails, playlists–anything that reminds you of him. Unless it’s something he gave you that you really love, that does not necessarily remind you of him, but you need it, like say, a winter coat, then get rid of it! The sooner you forget him, the sooner you move on with your life. Remember: he’s no good for you!
- Listen to music that inspires and empowers you. Make your own “break-up songs playlist.” Instead of that depressing electronic music you loved to listen to together, or that somber alt folk station on Spotify, listen to your favorite female artist sing about moving on. Anything that gets you dancing and singing along. Isn’t having fun with it so much better than crying all the time? Not that anyone should bottle their feelings. Cry it out when you need to—just don’t live there!
- When you catch yourself feeling lonely or sad, remember all the things about him that bothered you, and how you don’t have to deal with his bullshit anymore. You are free!
- Find positive affirmations online, and if you’re on Pinterest, make an “inspiring quotes” board. Repeat these affirmations to yourself aloud in the morning while you’re getting ready for the day. Look in the mirror while saying them. Throughout the day, repeat them in your head. Whisper them to yourself when no one’s around. Say them aloud in the car. When a negative thought creeps in, follow it with three positive thoughts. Even if you don’t believe it, say it anyway.
- Focus more on work, school, your goals. If you don’t have goals or know what they are, now’s the time to figure that out. What do you like? What makes you happy?
- Focus on doing what you want to do. Make time for fun in your life. Go out with friends. Spend time doing what you enjoy. This time is yours. This life is yours. Make the best of it!
- Write out all your pain, hurt, anger. Write him a letter telling him how you feel, but don’t send it. He doesn’t need to know, because you two are finished! It doesn’t matter anymore. What matters is that you’re moving on with your life. You are learning and growing from this experience. Whatever lessons he needs to learn from it, he’ll learn. It’s not up to you to decide that because it’s not worth your time. Your job is to focus on yourself.
- Go to the gym, or do some kind of exercise that’s fun for you. Go to Zumba, yoga, or whatever you like.
- Make a gratitude list. Pay attention to everything that makes you smile, laugh, or feel happy in some way, no matter how small. If something negative creeps in, notice it and then focus on something positive.
- Read more articles or blog posts about how to get over him. Think of what advice you’d give a friend going through the same experience, or what you’d tell a younger version of yourself. Then follow your own advice. Remind yourself: he’s no good for you!
- Pray to your higher power to give you the strength and courage to get through this day. Then act as if you’ve already been given that strength. Ask yourself what someone you admire would do, and then do that. There’s no reason you cannot be the person you’ve always wanted to be. There’s a reason why you’ve always wanted to be that person: because that person is already within you. You’ve just got to bring her out!
- Repeat after me: My life is getting better every day. I look forward to what each new hour brings. Something wonderful could be around the corner. You never know what will happen next. I deserve all the wonderful things that life has in store for me. Wonderful blessings have happened for me before, and they will happen again. I’m going through a hard time right now, but I will persevere. I will come out stronger as a result. I am a loving person, and I am loveable.
You only have one life to live, that you know of. Live it to the best of your ability. Life is not an obstacle to overcome, or a burden to drag yourself through. It’s a gift and a blessing. It’s an opportunity to grow and love. You are worthy and loveable. Something amazing could be right around the corner—you just never know what wonderful things life has in store for you.
Think back to a time you went through a difficult period. Then remember how that time passed, and you found happiness again. That can happen again, and this time it will be even better than you ever dreamed possible. Or, if you feel like that’s never happened for you, know that now is the time. Because this time you’re emerging a brand new person. A stronger, more self-confident person. Not that you haven’t always emerged a better person, but this time is different. This time is different because with each new heartache comes more growth.
Be good to yourself this Valentine’s Day and learn to love yourself. Treat yourself to a nice hot bath, or buy yourself some chocolates. Watch your favorite show. Make plans with a friend. You are worth it. And one day you’ll find the right one who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. You’re a kind and loving person with a lot to offer, and anyone who can’t see that is not worth your time.
I stumbled across this TED Talk that I want to share with you:
Happy Valentine’s Day to all my single friends out there. Love yourself, and stay true to yourself.